Through It All

We sang as Faith family this Sunday, Through it All.

Behind the lyrics on the screen- ocean waves rolled. It seems to me that we often compare the struggles of this life to the ocean blue. Something that can give such peace and refreshment, often represents that which makes us feel defeated by life.

We refer to blue. Things get dark. We have waves of pain.

                                Storms of trouble. We crash. We sink into our desperation.

It’s no surprise to me that we compare these. When you consider the lyrics of the song by Kristene DiMarco, and the story behind Horatio Spafford’s hymn It is Well, (which is integrated into the chorus) we can feel the chill of its history. Blame the waves for what they’ve taken. Be defeated by this tragedy and go down with the ship.

I can’t speak to trouble. My life is as spectacular as my lawn. Not maintained by me and perfected each day.

But as always – I think of my baby. She may be troubled. I pray that she isn’t. I pray for her safety every day. For her health. For her security. For her soul. For her spirit. But I am not naive to what we may be inviting into our lives. As we pursue this adoption – we may have children who struggle to love us. Who struggle to be known. Who ache to be loved, but the loving itself causes them pain.

My mind wondered as I considered these lyrics. What of her now? Is today her birthday? Has someone harmed her today? Has she been hugged and kissed and cuddled today? How many meals has she had?  Where is she? How long until she is home?

It became real to me, if only in a small way – I must remember the true calling on my life. To love and serve the Lord God. To release even her to him. When she struggles, if she lacks in faith, when she grows, if she’s bullied. Unhealthy. Defiant. Disrespectful. Falling away. She is his. All his. Every moment. I have to give every moment. And it will be my calling in those moments – to refrain from blaming. To cling to and not deny my Maker. To be vulnerable, even with my children.

Oh Dear God – please give me the strength to be who you have called me to be. As the waves crash, the storms blow, as calamity overtakes me, if that which I hold so close slips just out of reach, may it be well with my soul.

May my eyes be on you.

Blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by the long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8

Advertisements

Food Bowl

A few months ago this happened to me. Still learning to  slow down and do this.

 This morning I gave my dog some old pizza. It was like chewing on cardboard the night we got it, so I can’t  imagine what it was like after sitting out a couple of nights. Indiana followed me downstairs cautiously (the steps got steeper as he got older). He didn’t even notice the pizza in his food bowl. He’s still my puppy, but the effects of his age are more obvious every day. Finally, after a few minutes of sniffing, and quite frankly me pointing it out, he found his treat and began to devour it.

Now Indiana is pretty good at eating. Like most dogs – he typically doesn’t chew his “treat” food; he simply inhales it. Two pieces however, was too much for him to swallow in a panic. He ended up in the living room in order to protect the food thats was escaping his jaws.

As I entered with coffee in hand, pleased that he was enjoying himself, he shuddered away from me. Finding new determination he gnawed at the pizza which hardened to the consistency of a 2X4. Seriously, I could have used it as patch work around the house. In my disgust at his behavior and territorialism I scolded him yelling,

 “Calm down! Who do you think gave it to you??”

I was immediately marked. That sounded like something I’ve heard my father say to me. Who gives all good things, who means only for my good and prosperity in Him. That which I hoard in secret and then devour as quickly as possible. Hiding out of his sight, as if he who gave it would take it away. I do this in total disregard for the love that went into the gift and the love of the giver Himself. I rush to please only myself, succeed and prosper for my goals alone.

It’s not as if these blessings happen by chance or that they have anything to do with my abilities, or resources given to me. They are simply a gift. Often I am just as ill-abled to sniff these treasures out. God has to almost literally spoon feed me. I have a thick head when it comes to wisdom.

I would so much rather enjoy these nuggets of treasure in his presence, instead of running into a false privacy and fake protection. Daring to see how quickly I can make something out of them, or benefit from them. So even as I type this – I’m going to put the keyboard down, and pick up the Word. Because I’d really like to see whats in my food bowl today….